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| uhhh i was bored and mashed during school today and this was written....
dude life fucking sux… itz sooo bad that I cud like kill someone rite now and no one would really care that much… itz tru u noe… hey jay I’m lookin at u rite now u look really happy n fine now I guess I’m no longer needed to help you to b happy…. Man I feel really messed up at the moment. Itz really weird…. Fuck fuck fcuk fcuk fuck yeah…. Llalalalalalala….lalalalalalalalala. well back to typing j just told me that it is my state of mind is just a lil fucked up and you’ll b fine in a while when your prozac starts to kick back in ….. the prozac feels as if everything is softened and life is great like life really suck but it is meant to b great like my mind is in pain rite now and I actually do feel kinda suicidal rite now u noe…. Hrm………….. those windows look awfully nice…. Hrm….. pretty sky :P…. whoah dude wht have I been typing? I think that the prozac sorta just kicked back in dude….
Dude I’m fucking up all over in my life and I’m just letting it happen…. Hahahahaha I just beat brenton at his own game of try to but my keys on sticky keys…. Dude john is stupid man… I can’t stand it……. Lol lol lol….. I can’t stand it nemore dude… mrs. Smith is buggin me out…………ok u can start… hEh THiS IS rEaLlY wEiRD doOdE LiKE I’m Am TYpinG aND tHE Words ArE lIKe GoIng Up And down up aNd DOwN…. iT IS weird ok U Can sTOp NoW….. PLeaSE…. StOP…. Come oN DooD…. tHIS IsN’t CoOl… U R PLayING WiTH My fUckIng eyes….. FUCK IT…. There back to normal I guess…. Or NoT…. FUckING HeLL YeAH… Itz ANNoying.
it was weird.... but yeah... i'm off.... | | |
| I'm smothering my pains with smoke. My pains of my life, the pains that won't leave me the pains that fucking claw at my torn up soul. WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE... why won't you just disappear. I've been waiting for these things that have scarred my life to go... to dissapperate from my life, so that i can enjoy what is around me. But all i can see around me is pain and death... people's wounds, nothing seems happy anymore... nothing seems to cheer anyone up anymore besides the pain or pleasure of physical pain. To see blood be drawn from your own body, to feel the blade cut through your arm... just feel all your worries slowly disappear... but you are left with the scars of your emotional pain. The scar that will never leave you alone until you FUCKING die... sigh itz fucking hopeless to try to let it out. | | |
| I’m sitting here, alone…. Dying…. I can’t stand it anymore; I want to paint the walls with my blood… to cover them, to see my blood flow, as it pours out of my destroyed body. I wish to see my broken body fall to the floor, to sleep… a sleep a sleep that I’ll never wake up from. Where I’ll forget everything that has ever happened to me, everything that I actually may have cared about will be blown away with a pull of a trigger and my mind with will be put into the darkening abyss from which I came from. There will be no such thing as love there, I’ll have no where to turn to, nothing to care about, nothing to worry about… nothing to hold me back… complete solitude. A solitude that will torture my soul, a solitude that will rip it apart limb by limb till I can again cry out in pain. A see that all that I wished never actually happened… it was just another scream inside of my head… I hear the tiny voices telling me just to let everything go. Not to care about anything anymore because it is just temporary, everything in life is temporary. They tell me to pull that trigger because I’ve been dying since the day I was born, you never stay young and you always age and die… every part of your body dies as you die with it. I wait… and tremble in the fear that I have, the fear of losing everything. Do I really wish to live or to die? It is as if I’m a ghost in this world… a ghastly figure that no one sees or wishes to care about… it’s as if I’m transparent. I wait for the day when people will actually be able to see what I really am… till I have the right to actually care about another, till I have the right to say those three words to another. Till my body doesn’t feel as if it is broken… until everything is mended. | | |
| Hrm.... itz been a long fkin time since i've actually said anything in here.... letz c wht is actually new with me. I've been put on lovely prozac by my shrink because he says i have clinical depression... which actually doesn't really seem to do anything but fk with my sleeping. Uhhh.... fkin school is back to normal... been drawing random shit, not really caring abt shit atm cuz itz just another fkin stage that u haf to get thru to actually fkin do wht u want.
Time to type some fkin random shit. I hate the police because they are gay and annoying, all they care about is fking around with teenagers that look like a threat to society.... the so called fkin 'bad apples'. Like seriously we don't do anything besides what we want... we don't fuck with them so y do they fuck with us.... itz not like we r fuckin pushing or shit. We just listen to different music than everyone else and look different, doe sthat really make it rite for people to fuckin harrass us? does that give a reason so that fuckin ppl can look at us weirdly and fuckin say shit like weirdo... or have the fuckin cops on our ass where ever we go because we look like we are gona fuckin start trouble. I don't fuckin think they shud haf the rite.... so I say i hate the po... they shud fuckin go to hell and so shud all their fuckin gay laws that they try to pass.
Hrm enuf abt that.... that was boring anyway.... sigh I'm so fucking bored that i don't what to type abt ne more. G-d shit is soooooo fucked up everywhere that there really isn't anything anyone can do abt it, so y do ppl still care abt shit? sigh fuck this... fkin write sumthin later.... | | |
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